Mail from Stuttgart

Bettina sent me a book she had told me about in one of her last e-mails. "Emerichs Nachlass" by Axel Kuhn, my teacher at unversity more than 25 years ago. He signed the book for me and wrote down a few words from "Hyperion" by Hölderlin, one of my favourite books ever.
Kuhn wrote a fascinating story about Stuttgart and Tübingen, 18th century poet Hölderlin (whom I love and adore) and crime and murder in the 80s, with a few lyrics of Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd in between.
I'm eager to read it right now, so I'll make myself some fresh hot tea with lemon and snuggle up in bed. Early evenings in autumn and winter are a wonderful excuse to do just that! :)

Autumn weekend at home

Instead of going to the late night of shopping, celebrations at German History Museum, or the first readings of Berlin Literature Days on crime and mistery, I stayed at home, trying to get rid of the cold I caught the other week. Even the excellent tapas and spanish wine offered for free at Logenhaus couldn't keep me for long. Home was the place to be, and to sleep a lot - it was the longest day of the year, as well: 25 hrs! So even more time to sleep and get well.
Apples, oranges and lemon juice helped, together with lots of tea, going for a walk every afternoon when the grey sky took a break for an hour or so, and reading Rutherfurd's saga on Ireland.
Emil joined me on the couch, and stayed really close to me all the time. He misses his brother Gustav, and needs special comfort. He doesn't eat much, either. Hope he's not sick.

Pilvet karkaa niin minäkin

Clouds are passing by, and so am I....
A beautiful finnish tango from the compilation "Tule tansiimaan" I bought today. You might know it from Aki Kaurismäki's movie.
Even if not, listen to the wonderful, sad songs here! And here! And discover the finnish soul.
I'm a finn inside, definitely!
Besides this, it was a nice week, indeed. Work at ver.di with my dear collegues went on well, some new projects coming up, one about May 1st.
Anna came to spend two days and nights with me and Emil (she would have loved so much to see Gustav as well...), and left today. Some problems on the airport with cancelled flights and busses having accidents instead of taking the passengers to Schönefeld. Anna decided to leave the bus, and take the very next flight from Tegel home to Stuttgart. Good choice!
We had a lovely time together, as always, but way too short. The dinner at "La Cocotte" was delicious! And we loved shopping around Berlin center looking for posh trousers (found them!) and a leather bag (no chance...). She will start working at Bosch next month, in Schwieberdingen, where they invent and develop all the new technologies, so needs some quality stuff to wear. Imagine, she'll get more money to start off with then I get after a lifetime of working! I'm so proud of her!
Now off to an evening of finnish tango and french red wine. And cuddling up on the couch with shy Emil who never got used to Anna even though she's so sweet with cats. Well, we tried.

It's cold outside

Autumn is here for sure. Winter coats and scarfs have replaced t-shirts and summer dresses. Still, the sun is shining, and it's lovely to take a walk.
I would have preferred to visit Kliment in Cologne, with his mother flying in from Helsinki and his grandmother from Sofia.
It would have been great to take the Kliment family to my sister's big party in Düsseldorf. Anna is there as well. But, alas, I can't do it.
I'm still sad, and caught a cold. The vet told me to take good care of Emil the cat who is suffering after Gustav died, missing his brother and friend. Sorrow tends to make you sick with a cold or a flu, she told me. It sure affected me.
So I stay in Berlin, try to cheer up with "Ratatouille", the wonderfully made movie, and a few books like "Wintersmith" by Terry Pratchett, and get ready for work tomorrow.
The first day at ver.di after almost four months of sickleave. I'll take it easy, only three hours per day to start with. They're helping me a lot, changing my work to my health needs, and arranging my working place accordingly. Work might help getting over the sorrow as well. I hope.

He is gone

After a day of enjoying the sun, watching the autumn trees in the garden and the birds flying in the sky, of licking a few drops of water and chewing on the cat grass, Gustav came to sleep close to me on the bed, like every night. He purred and licked my hands, and I spoke softly to him and stroke his fur.
This morning, he was gone, like he used to do lately, sitting on his own on a blanket in the wardrobe. Around 11 am, I called him to handfeed him, and couldn't find him. He had hidden in the darkest corner of the flat, and came on weak shaky legs when he heard my calls. We sat on the soft pillows of the couch, he could hardly hold up his head, so I made it rest on my hands.
All of a sudden his breath became heavier, his body was shaking, he could hardly breathe, and started to scream out loud with every gasping breath. He suffered!
So I called a taxi, rushed to the vets, poor Gustav clinging to the bars of his box like if clinging to life, then again he was just crouching in the back of the box, curled up in agony.
We hurried up the steps to the vet, who tried to help him, but in vain. The cancer had taken over, and the kidneys broken down. There was no chance to help him get better in any way. So the vet told me softly, death from an injection would be the best.
I saw for myself I couldn't let poor Gustav suffer longer through this.
In a small room we were left alone, my dear old Gustav on my lap. I stroke him softly and talked to him when he got the narcotics, and when he finally was unconscious, they took him out to give him the lethal injection. They gave him back to me, his heart had alread stopped beating, but his brain was still working. So I cuddled him up in my arms and hold him tight and hugged him to make him feel my love and help him leave the life he had enjoyed so much.
He's in an animal funeral parlour now, we will get his ashes back soon, and bury them underneath his favourite cat nip in Stuttgart.
I am crying a lot. I miss him. Dear Gustav...

Last beautiful days

Autumn has been wonderful lately, sun shining through coloured leaves. Today will be the last day with temperatures near 20, tomorrow it will be cold and rainy, grey november days approaching fast.
These are the last days of Gustav, my dear old tomcat, as well. All my cherishing love and treatments can't make him eat at all. He still loves life in between long hours of sleep, he's almost his old self then, curious, purring, sweet, but he seems to fade away. All I can do now is try to make his last days as easy and beautiful for him as possible.
I am so sad.

Sicko

Poor Gustav! He's suffering from CRF (chronic renal failure), which might kill him if we don't treat him right. We went to the vets every afternoon by taxi last week, they gave him infusion and other treatment. Now it's weekend, I do it myself. The pic is not him, but that's what it looks like. Read more about it here.
Christel came this morning to help me with the first infusion, and since then I'm managing on my own. Hopefully it will help his kidneys to recover a bit. Life won't be easy for him from now on, but hopefully he will still be able to survive and purr a few more months or even years.
I'm afraid he's not eating enough, even though I handfeed him every hour when he's not sleeping. Cross your fingers he'll get better!

It's been a while

since my last post. A week of happy family life in Stuttgart (Anna passed her exam with terrific success - celebrating from left to right: Helen, Anna, Volker, Alex, and I) and a few days of health problems and sorrows in Berlin (Gustav is seriously ill now) kept me from writing. Even now only this short note, and then I'm off to another day of doctors and medicine. Sigh.

Keep on running

No cars on the streets of Berlin center yesterday: Marathon time again! Since the runners passed Kleistpark just around the corner from my place I had to go and have a look, listen to the bands and clap and cheer a bit. People were having fun, both runners and supporters. Way too good to get back home. Instead of just standing around, I moved from Kleistpark to Ku'damm, Potsdamer Platz and finally Brandenburg Gate. It took me longer by public transport than it took the marathon people running there...
Back home I listened to Elsis on air, doing a radio program on latvian music with Radio Helsinki. So nice to hear her voice again, and the songs were fantastic!